… there comes a time when I see a pussy/vagina/cunt whatever you want to call it and it makes me a werewolf and all I want to do is howl at the moon.
Just-a-night-out-on-the-town
Just-a-night-out-on-the-town
- Him: *Goes in for the kiss*
- Her: I told you no.
- Him: About what?
- Her: That I was done dating.
- Him: You were serious?
It’s better if it’s over.
I feel like contractions should be outlawed in text message break ups. I mean, don’t I deserve seven words instead of five?
I feel like contractions should be outlawed in text message break ups. I mean, don’t I deserve seven words instead of five?
- Him: Did you just give me the nickname - Blue Balls?
- Her: Shouldn't have told me such a great story leading up to them.
Pull over the car and fuck me.
Even girls say crazy shit on first dates. *Note - I didn’t say this for once.
Even girls say crazy shit on first dates. *Note - I didn’t say this for once.
So… Sorry I didn’t call you back. I actually started seeing someone and I thought things between us were casual, and that you wouldn’t get upset. Obviously I got that wrong. Anyway, I was hoping to talk to you about coaching lacrosse. I mean, I know it’s been a few weeks and that the position is likely taken by now, but in case it’s not, I’d like to talk to you about it, so give me a call when you have a chance.
Voicemail from the guy who thinks when a girl invites him to a holiday party - it’s casual.
Voicemail from the guy who thinks when a girl invites him to a holiday party - it’s casual.
Date walks in and goes to the opposite side of the bar.
Drinks his beer so fast, closes out, and runs out - doesn’t even talk to me.
Upside - I befriended two comics, who actually did not believe this story.
I quit.
Midnight texts from your ex, who you haven’t heard from in six months, asking you to meet for drinks. Booty call, much?
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